Having two little ones (infant and toddler) and start the walk of an awakened life is a challenge itself.
It means I am starting to see myself with X ray glasses and see my wounds.
I start to acknowledge that I actually can do it differently but yet I can’t fully embrace that difference. But I see it there in front of me and I know I will reach there somehow someday.
I am raising my children and raising myself and it could be so overwhelming.
I know when I am doing it “wrong” with them, it feels in my bones and so badly I fight to change the course but sometimes it’s impossible I am not yet there. That gap between here and there is so wide and it’s nothing at same time. With my beautiful toddler I don’t want to mess it up. Don’t want to lose my cool. But yet sometimes can’t get it right. Awful feeling. I am so aware now of how my past is influencing my present but yet I can’t fully change. But I am so aware, that is sometimes so frustrating. The fact that you are still somehow “stuck” in the past. However you are aware and that is already a progress itself.
Having a toddler and an infant isn’t piece of cake. But to have them and also being walking this walk and talking this talk of awakening is a challenge itself. Don’t want to say it is hard. Because it doesn’t really explain what it is. It is painful, joyful, it is madness and coherence, it is complex and simple. It could be a lonely journey because it is a very unique way to embrace this motherhood life.
The awakening process needs time, time and more time. Sometimes that times comes within all the mess. It isn’t really all steady and quiet around you but you still can manage somehow to hold to the breath. And sometimes that isn’t possible at all.
#myjourney_ana #consciousparent #padresconscientes #consciousparenting
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